I usually tend to write fun and informative posts on my blog, you know, like sharing crafty printables or writing about household budgeting goal of mine. But today, I want to talk about adventures with a traveling spouse.
My husband has been traveling a lot and I barely have time to take care of myself and three kids with school, preschool, homework, swim lessons, Bible study, church, fitness, etc that I don’t have time for the “extras” in life like blogging.
I’m one of those people who always has a daily planner within arm’s reach. I like to plan out my weeks in advance. Sometimes I even schedule playdates a month ahead of time so I know what we’re doing four Wednesday mornings from now.
A bit OCD – I KNOW. 😉
What Happens When a Planner Can’t Plan
It’s just the way I function and stay sane as a mom.
Unfortunately for me and my planning ways, my husband has to travel about 40% of the time. And sometimes he won’t know he has to go somewhere until a few days before. Or if he does know in advance, the details (exactly when he’s leaving or returning) are subject to change oftentimes.
I do pretty well when he can schedule a trip a month in advance and let me know about it. Then I can make fun plans for the rest of us and make sure not to plan something important for when he’s out of town.
These past three weeks have been difficult for me. He’s been gone 3-4 days each week, and destinations and times have changed several times.
For instance, this week I thought he was going to Miami Monday morning through late Tuesday night. Turns out he’s in Puerto Rico from Sunday afternoon to Wednesday afternoon!
I know this kind of thing is out of my control. His clients are constantly changing their minds and sometimes emergencies pop up. I also realize just how fortunate I am that I have a loving husband with a good job who provides for our family and my ability to stay at home with my kids because of it.
I guess I’m just stressed out by him being gone so much recently and having to take care of three kids and a household all by myself when I’m used to having him here.
I know there are lots of single moms out there who rock a one-parent household with style. I can already tell you I am NOT single mom material. If something happened to my husband, I’d have to get remarried STAT! Just being honest here. :=)
Maybe I just got spoiled when he was off work for a couple weeks recently? I don’t know. I forgot what the real world is like with him traveling for work and me not being a nutcase all the time.
I didn’t really have a plan for this post. I see now that I A) needed to rant and B) get your advice.
How Do You Cope with a Traveling Spouse?
I’ll be honest, I don’t have a lot of techniques in my arsenal when it comes to this. You’d think I would considering how much my husband travels.
But if I’m being honest, I’d say I just cope until he returns. I don’t have any family nearby, and three kids under the age of 6 is tough for me. Other than when I pay the babysitter so I can run an errand or go to the gym, I don’t really have any mental free time (if you count running errands as mental free time!) LOL
Of course, I am pretty good about thinking about how good we have it and that helps me get through. I also keep us fairly busy when he’s traveling for work so we don’t have time to miss him as much. But these tactics only go so far when you have one kid crying, another one dumping out the contents of the pantry onto the floor, and a third asking for help with homework while you’re trying to cook dinner.
I’m all ears if you have any tips for me!
carrie_d says
Love this post. I feel your pain. My husband travels a lot also and most of the time it is very last minute trips. They can be anything from an overnight to 2 weeks on the road. My closet family member is 4 1/2 hours away, our oldest child is on the Autism Spectrum, so after our second child was born, I quit my job. For the most part I approach our situation like we are a single parent home. So when dad is home it is like bonus time. When he gets called out last minute i don’t stress because we have set up our week like he was not going to be here anyway. Don’t get me wrong he puts in his time with the kids and give me breaks when I he is in town. He is not a third wheel or anything. But I found that it keeps us on schedule when we just plan like he wont be here. There is no being upset and stressful situations when we have to rearrange life because of a pop up trip.
P.S. I am lucky to be a member of a gym that has free daycare for two hours at a time so I do get some me time during the day. My little sanity break for the day.
Lena Gott says
Thanks, Carrie. I am just now realizing that I have set up a schedule that DEPENDS on him being here and when he’s not, my world flips upside down. Just this week I started re-evaluating our schedule and plan on changing a few things. First, I am no longer going to stress out about making it to every swim practice when he travels. It’s one of the most stressful parts of my week because I have to hurry home from preschool, quickly feed the two little ones, get in naps quickly (we all know how kids like to be rushed for naptime! LOL), then yank them out of bed to pick up my oldest from school from which we go straight to swim team and do homework in the car before jumping in the pool. When I can’t count on my husband coming home in the evening after that day, I am a wreck! So we’re skipping half of swim team when he’s out of town. I just can’t take it. When we do go, I started letting the kids go to the Kid Zone afterwards (swim team is at our gym), so I can get on the treadmill and just have some quiet time to myself. :=) I definitely feel you on that gym thing! I try to take them as much as possible but also kind of avoid it during the winter because I swear my little guy gets sick every other time I take him. :/ Trying to find a good balance.
Nisha Worsham says
I did the same thing when my kids were young and even do now that they are teens. For me the point of it was have to have a life I could manage on my own without help and without going insane. I said no to more opportunities that were recurring dates because I knew they would end up being like another job. Do life on the level you can handle and don’t worry about everyone else.
Lindsay says
My husband travels a lot too… And I’ve decided that there’s no way to cope :-/ we just make it! Glad to know I’m not alone!
Lindsay
Lena Gott says
Uh oh, don’t tell me that, Lindsay! That’s honestly how I operate most weeks that he travels, though. I count down the days & hours until he gets back. 😉